1. Sharps Box Changer Guy – This guy is just plain crazy. His task in life is to remove plastic containers overflowing with butterfly needles and discarded IV’s contaminated with Hep C, HIV, and God knows what else. These guys should have a reality show and carry anti-viral medications in their pocket. The funny thing is that these guys never seem to wear any protective gear - I’d be wearing steel gloves and a football helmet.
2. Nurse’s Aid - It is difficult to imagine that there is a worse job in the world, let alone the hospital. A typical morning will involve weighing six to eight combative and/or demented patients. Then comes “bathing” time, in which the term “bathing” is used loosely; then re-cleaning them 30 minutes later when their Dulcolax has kicked in. This is often followed by the business end of the “Out of Bed to chair” order in which they get to lift the patient to a geri-chair. Finally, the shift ends with a round of vital signs. The only thing smaller than the qualifications needed for this job, is the pay that they receive. But at least they have their union.
3. ECG tech – Can you imagine a worse job than removing 20 patients’ gown(s), getting all up in their chest fat and breasts, and occasionally shaving excessively hairy individuals in order to paste on some stickers? Welcome to the wonderful world of the ECG technician. The best part? They get to it again 3 minutes later when they have to remove the stickers. And then come back the next day and repeat the process. Wanna really be grossed out? Stay tuned for our upcoming documentary: “Things Found in the Folds – the Story of one ECG tech and his battle to leave his job.”
4. Laundry – Ever wonder where those melena-laden sheets go after they’re thrown in the soiled utility? These people don’t. They use to smell them coming down the laundry chute but lost their olfactory senses a long time ago as a protective measure. Blood, shit, puke, urine, and all other bodily secretions end up in the laundry and these brave souls remove them. God bless them.
5. Intern - Take all the jobs above and add phlebotomist, proctologist, transporter, and general, all-around hospital bitch. That's an intern.
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