Monday, February 19, 2007

Top 5 Differential Diagnoses for Britney's Break

baldbrit.jpgDespite the appearance of physical health - at least, until she shaved her head - Britney is not well. To enlighten our writers and readers we decided to enlist the help of an Ivy League-trained clincal psychologist for this special edition of Celebrity Illness. Enjoy.

1. Substance Abuse Disorder - Addiction. That’s right, you guessed it. Like we said about so many young celebs in this article: if it smells like drugs, and looks like drugs.... it’s drugs! Coke, Meth, Crack, X, Alcohol…whatever. That’s my call.

2. Borderline Personality with Psychotic Features -
Altogether likely. Given the labile mood, strange and extreme behavior and chronic emptiness coupled and with pre-morbid narcissism, pattern of unstable relationships and shallow affect, BPD with psychotic features is definitely a contender for the diagnosis. It is almost a requirement for to be a Hollywood/performer type.

3. Psychotic Disorder NOS - Purely based on strange behavior and poor judgment, we don’t actually know if she has lost touch with reality (like hearing voices, seeing and/or smelling things, delusions). Unlikely since she is a bit old for a psychotic break..though still within the age range for women.

4. Postpartum Depression with Psychotic features -
Britney did just have a child within the past six months so we can’t totally remove it from the differential; it is unlikely because this diagnosis is usually diagnosed within the first 6 weeks postpartum…and it is kind of like she doesn’t have any children at all…so what is she depressed about? Hormones.

5. Bipolar Disorder - High on the differential because it is so hot and hip these days with the famous set. Britney’s impulsive behavior..partying (i.e. self-medicating), flying all over the country, checking in and out of rehab within a day, hyper -sexuality, shopping, irritability. True bipolar will generally see an approx 3 months manic period followed by deep depressive period for approx 9 months. So, we could be in the downward spiral anytime.

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