Thursday, February 01, 2007

Top 5 Most Annoying Hospital Noises

1. Telemetry – Beep, beep, beep, beep, Booonng! Booonng! Booonng! Annoyed yet? Multiply that times 400,000 and you have recreated the telemetry floor experience. Sitting next to alarming monitors and trying to write your notes is almost as torturous as resisting the urge to put your foot through one of them.

2. The Unanswered Phone – Will no one pick up that friggin phone? Nurses and ward clerks have developed some weird defense mechanism to a ringing phone. Not only do they lack the natural guilt that should go along with ignoring someone’s call but they almost relish the annoyance that others feel after the 9th, 10th and even 11th ring.

3. The Repeating Patient – I know, this one will not make the Top 5 Politically Correct list but at least we’re honest. Whether it is the aye-fibbers (“aye-aye-aye-aye”) or the Help-Me’s (no explanation needed), hearing a patient yell anything over and over and over again often makes you want to gauge your own eyes (or ears) out. If you’re lucky, they might throw in an inappropriate phrase occasionally to keep you on your toes.

4. Suction – Do we really need to elaborate on this one?

5. Pager – This website didn’t get its name for nothing. Go ahead and switch the beeper tone all you want, it won’t help. Even more annoying is when someone’s pager goes off in grand rounds and everyone in the room checks their pager, even if they are 100 yards away. Putting your pager on vibrate solves all of the above problems, except of course the annoyingness of being paged. We fear the day of downloadable pager tones.

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